ASH PHOENIX
There are some words that we never forget, even years after a romantic relationship has ended. We all want to love and want to be loved. Sometimes, however, love stories do not end well because of betrayal, boredom or indifference, often leading to divorce.
When we enter into a love relationship, we want it to last forever – at least if we are sincere about the person and have the longing to be with them for a lifetime. I do not think that this is an outdated concept or that it should be. Love needs to be foolish; love needs to be idealistic; love needs to be adventurous in order to be true. But when we love, we also want to feel safe, secure and protected – surrounded by love of that partner and shielded against the hostile outside world.
Some people claim that romantic love which lasts for a lifetime is an illusion. I believe it is difficult to achieve, but not impossible. Maybe, I am a hopeless romantic, maybe naïve, maybe a fool – but so far nothing has destroyed my utter conviction. Although my beliefs about love have been tested more than once, I still have faith in love. Somewhere out there, there is a happy couple or two who were able to maintain that undying love for a lifetime – beyond physical or religious borders, factors of race, age and social status. Maybe only very few of us will be able to experience such a bond but that is entirely irrelevant. The fact that some people are able to live that kind of love, is proof to me that love is not dead and that it can last.
Love and pain, they are so close together. Something that feels like the strongest love one moment, can crumble the next and vanish into thin air. What then remains is pain – the pain of a lost love, the pain of the absence of love in our lives that is often intertwined with the feeling of loneliness. In order for the pain to vanish, we have to go through different stages.
Most of us feel anger or resentment to the person who we once loved. Some of us even feel hatred. I believe that we have to walk through that pain, otherwise we may lose ourselves. Even if a love relationship does not end but becomes unhealthy, we can experience pain because we are feeling hurt – either by carelessness, the lack of loving gestures and words, or by actions that hurt us emotionally, mentally or even physically.
We all have loved and walked through the pain after that love ended. Sometimes we grow after a painful ending, sometimes we do not and only feel depressed. When processing the end of a romantic relationship, I believe that it is important to acknowledge the pain. We need to accept the lack of love in our lives and should exercise self-care and self-love. We should also understand that we cannot change the people we are with. We always want to change them but it is impossible in my view. A partner, who is pragmatic and hardly romantic, will not change overnight and probably never will.
Love should be an equal give and take. Words of affirmation should be reciprocal as they make love special. There are beautiful words that can be very unique for those two lovers. A friend of mine calls her husband of many years ‘creature’. At first, I was surprised, but she says those words to him in such a loving and kind way that I could simply feel the love between those two humans.
Love is complicated, love is joyful, love is painful, love is inexplicable but love should always feel unique. No one who says ‘I love you’ wants to hear utter silence or a careless reply. Meaningless words are either fast forgotten or even cause pain. Only words that come from the heart and soul, will stick for a lifetime in our minds as a token of that love. So I want to close this article with a little poem and the simple thought: love today with an intensity as if it was your last day.
LOVE
Who wants love?
Me – I cry.
A cry of pain.
You get none,
Little girl.