Dipty Gajadur
Mother’s Day is dedicated to honoring the women who have shaped our lives, and who embody love in its purest form. Yet, amidst the gatherings and celebrations, there’s a poignant truth that often goes unnoticed – the true worth of mothers remains 
unacknowledged and undervalued. Behind every smile on Mother’s Day lies a multitude of untold stories – stories of mothers who have faced adversity with unwavering strength and who have weathered storms and emerged stronger. These are the stories that deserve to be heard, celebrated, and honored, not just on one designated day of the year, but every day. It’s time to redefine the way we celebrate Mother’s Day – not just as a commercialized day filled with empty gestures, but as an opportunity to reflect on the invaluable contributions they make to our lives, and how we should support mothers, especially new moms, for the betterment of our society as a whole.
Does Motherhood Define A Woman?
Motherhood is often hailed as one of life’s greatest joys, a transformative experience that brings boundless love, fulfilment, and purpose. Indeed, the image of a contented mother surrounded by smiling children is ingrained in our cultural consciousness as the epitome of domestic bliss. However, the reality is far more nuanced, and the notion that motherhood alone guarantees happiness is a myth that deserves to be debunked. While it’s true that many women find immense joy and fulfilment in the role of motherhood, it’s equally important to recognize that happiness is not synonymous with motherhood.
Motherhood is only one facet of a woman’s identity, and her happiness and fulfilment cannot be contingent upon it alone. The belief that becoming a mother will automatically make a woman ‘complete’ can be a misleading one, perpetuating unrealistic expectations and putting undue pressure on women to conform to societal norms. This belief does not only ignore the fact that motherhood is a complex and demanding role, but most importantly, it ignores the fact that many women are facing medical barriers to motherhood due to infertility issues which are becoming more and more common in both men and women. The idea that motherhood is the ultimate source of fulfilment undermines the value of women’s other roles and aspirations outside of the home since unfortunately, we tend to forget that, she is a human with diverse interests, talents, and ambitions first; and then a mother. Therefore, women’s happiness should not be limited to their roles as mothers, unless it is their most sincere and personal choice.
The Subtle Trauma Of Motherhood
Research has shown that a woman’s happiness and well-being are influenced by a myriad of factors, including relationships, career satisfaction, and personal fulfilment. While motherhood can certainly bring joy and fulfilment, in many cases, especially in the early years when women were not working and were only homemakers, there was a tendency for them to happiness solely through motherhood. For many, this have had detrimental effects on women’s mental health and overall well-being. The expectation that women were supposed to prioritize the needs of their children above their own have led to self-neglect, often leaving women depleted, and in need of rest and recovery. Yet, our society often fails to provide adequate support systems to enable women to prioritize their health and well-being leading to long term consequences and giving rise to a subset of mothers who exhibit narcissistic tendencies.
Delving deeper into the psyche of these mothers reveals a narrative of societal neglect and undervaluation from spouses and close relatives, especially during pregnancy and after childbirth, as the root causes of their behavior manifesting as maternal narcissism. These mothers view their children not as individuals with their own autonomy and needs, but as extensions of themselves, and unknowingly use their children for their self-fulfilment.
However, it’s essential to recognize that narcissist mothers are not inherently evil women. Rather, their behavior often stems from deep-seated insecurities and a sense of inadequacy. Faced with the impossible task of living up to society’s idealized image of motherhood, some women may resort to manipulative or controlling behavior. At first glance, the hallmarks of narcissistic mothering may not appear as overtly harmful as physical or verbal abuse. Instead, they present themselves through emotional manipulation, constant criticism veiled as “constructive feedback,” and an insatiable need for control over every aspect of their child’s life. These children learn to suppress their own emotions and cater for their mother’s whims, perpetuating a cycle of codependency that can be difficult to break free and which can persist well into adulthood where it becomes difficult for the grown-up to form healthy relationships characterized by mutual respect and empathy.
It is crucial therefore to approach the issue of maternal narcissism with empathy and understanding. We must address the root causes of behavior and provide the support and resources mothers need to cultivate their own identities, pursue their own passions and help them heal and grow, before narcissism is completely embedded in their character. Awareness is the first step towards healing and mothers should be willing to seek help for a healthier living so as to break the cycle of maternal narcissism through therapy, support networks, and self-reflection towards reclaiming their sense of self-worth and forging healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
The Struggle of Modern Motherhood
Nowadays, there’s a pervasive narrative that champions the idea of pushing oneself to the limit – breaking barriers, achieving more, and striving for excellence. While ambition and perseverance are undoubtedly valuable traits, there’s a darker side to this ethos, especially when it comes to mothers. The pressure to excel in every aspect of life, often without regard for the toll it takes on their physical, mental, and emotional well-being, is a dangerous trend that warrants closer examination. Society has long placed unrealistic expectations on women by even calling them ‘superwoman’ and expecting them to effortlessly juggle with multiple roles – caregiver, professional, homemaker, partner, and more – all while maintaining a facade of perfection. This expectation is amplified for mothers, who are often burdened with the unrealistic ideal of “having it all” – a successful career, a happy family, and a fulfilling personal life. While this sounds perfect and can also be achievable with a supportive spouse, families and colleagues, the reality is far more complex.
It is therefore crucial to recognize that pushing women beyond their limits is not a sustainable or humane approach. Instead of celebrating their ability to endure hardship, we should be advocating for policies and cultural shifts that prioritize their well-being. This means providing access to affordable healthcare including postpartum therapies, paid parental leave, flexible work arrangements, and affordable childcare options, specially for single mothers. In addition, women need to ensure they are independent enough to cater for themselves and for their unborn child before getting into pregnancy and childbirth whether they have a supporting family or not. Motherhood is as much an emotional journey as it is a practical one. It requires a profound shift in mindset and priorities, as well as a willingness to embrace the challenges and joys that come with raising a child.
A stable financial foundation can alleviate stress and anxiety, allowing mothers to focus on building strong emotional bonds with their child. Conversely, emotional readiness will provide the resilience and adaptability needed to take on the responsibilities of caring for another life. Therefore, we must embrace a more realistic and compassionate view of motherhood which includes – acknowledging that it’s okay to ask for help, to prioritize self-care, and to set boundaries that support and empower mothers to prioritize their health and happiness. It’s time to redefine successful living not as the ability to do it all, but as the ability to live a balanced and fulfilling life.
To conclude, Happy Mothers’ Day to all mothers, and mother figures like grandmas, aunts, teachers, babysitters and maids! Mother’s Day has become synonymous with gifts, cards, and brunches – tokens of appreciation that, while well-intentioned, often fall short of capturing the depth of a mother’s love and sacrifice. After all, how can a bouquet of flowers or a heartfelt card truly convey the magnitude of what mothers give, day in day out from the very first day they learn about their pregnancy, without expecting anything in return – sometimes not even sharing the same family name or the looks of the child? Truly, a mother’s love is unconditional.