Today’s topic is ANGER and the WILL to overcome it. From time to time, I fall prey to anger. I am not patient and people close to me know how to press my buttons to make me angry. But where does anger come from? Anger is a feeling and not a pretty one. When we are angry, we may not be able to control ourselves. My anger comes from being too emotional and I cannot bury it as some people do. I need to voice my anger, thereby releasing it. Some people hide their anger and only let it out at a much later stage. I personally believe that bottling up our feelings can be unhealthy. We all have heard of people who were bullied for years – either at school, at work or in the family. Many crimes happen because of this unprocessed anger inside them.
I do not smile when I am boiling inside but I become clear and assertive. Most of us may have had situations where we became loud. There is nothing more frustrating to me than people who smile at you and stay calm while they are thinking or saying terrible things. People who have those character traits irritate me deeply as they keep their feelings under control although they may hurt you. Some of them do so in a calculating and cold manner. Others even manipulate us with their seemingly harmless behaviour so that we say things that we do not want to say.
Anger is the third shadow of our existence that needs to be released if we follow the instructions of the signpost at the Vortex de Riambel. It is a shadow which gets the better of many of us. When we voice our anger, things sometimes get better, sometimes worse. We feel relieved when we express our anger and frustrations although we display a weakness. In my view, voicing our anger helps us not fall into a more severe trap of our human existence: hate. Hate is dark and destructive. I never hated someone although some people hurt me profoundly. But part of my personal development was to forgive them. I have experienced forgiveness as the most powerful source of growth in my life. It is magic and it can solve things that seemed to have had no solution before. Forgiveness is beautiful, forgiveness is pure but true forgiveness starts by forgiving ourselves – for actions we took, forgot to take or did not want to take.
I can freely admit that I do not lead a picture-book life. I have made mistakes and let opportunities pass that showed themselves to me. But I think most of us have had some sort of regrets in our lives and the aim should be to overcome them and let go. There is a point in life when we have to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings, accept our weaknesses, failures and defeats, and move forward.
So how do we overcome anger in a constructive way? After our anger about actions or inactions of others subsides, we often start to become angry with ourselves. This is where we have to stop for a moment and analyse what went wrong. As one says, we cannot change the event or what happened to us but we can change our reaction to it. The moment that we consciously act and determine our reaction, we are in charge again and can often influence the outcome. Only then forgiveness comes because forgiving ourselves and others can only follow after a careful self-analysis and conscious consideration of our own actions.
But that is not the final step. After we have voiced our anger and frustration, analysed the situation, forgiven ourselves and others, we have to exercise the will to live with the consequences. We have to exercise the will to move forward in life and make decisions that may cause us discomfort and defeat in the moment but let us grow as human beings. Will is a positive force that I want to attribute to the physical realm. Will is tied to our physical existence because it lets us overcome our negative emotions and primal instincts. Will is at the same time the gateway to the mental realm where self-analysis and forgiveness take place. I believe that we only have two choices – we can either be stuck in the past or create something new, maybe very different. Nevertheless, it is beautiful because it is our unique path.
In my view, the exercise of will also has a spiritual dimension as we need to overcome our character traits. When we exercise the will to better ourselves, we can overcome hurdles and improve our lives and that of others. The exercise of will presupposes the strength to grow as humans, to make things happen within ourselves, to change our ways and patterns that keep us stuck. However, our souls need to be ready for this transformation, for the next step, for the next level. Many of my readers know that this is part of our growth which we are able to enjoy only if we have the will to embark on that journey. We may start yoga or meditation, we may pray or follow spiritual leaders but only when we activate the will to grow and transcend, we can achieve true spiritual growth and become better human beings.