I have long questioned whether to write about love and happiness. Why did I hesitate, you may ask? Do love and happiness not belong together like nothing else? I agree and do not. Nothing can make us happier than love, and nothing makes us unhappier when it is unrequited, unfulfilling, half-hearted or lost.
Visualising a memory can help you to understand what I exactly mean. Please close your eyes and imagine one beautiful moment you had with the love of your life – just that one moment. Did it not make you happy like nothing else when you experienced it?
But right now, that moment is gone. Maybe even the time with that person is gone forever. It is only a distant memory in the past; perhaps, they or we, or both, have moved on long ago. If it was a reasonably healthy relationship, even if it did not last for too long, happy memories will remain. Sometimes, they are tattooed on our hearts.
When we receive happiness from an outside source, it feels incredible; it lightens our days and brightens our lives, and sad thoughts vanish and maybe even our pain. There is, however, a danger if we make our happiness dependent on other people or outside circumstances.
What happens, for example, if disappointment, betrayal, or even abuse by the same person follows those sweet moments? In that case, those happy memories are inevitably tainted. When we remember the good times, we are also likely to remember the bad.
I believe we can achieve long-lasting and sustainable happiness in a love relationship. People are social animals; we all know nothing is more beautiful and admirable than an old couple in a loving relationship. But that happiness should not be our only source of joy in our lives because it is external and can be gone at any time – through disagreements, separation or even death.
Thus, we should develop a good relationship not only with our partners but also with ourselves. Even if our schedule is packed, we should have a few minutes to reflect. Maybe it is our daily prayer, our time with God. Perhaps it is our daily meditation or yoga. Maybe, it is just something that we can do in solitude, far away from our duties at work, our children and family.
Most of us hardly have time during a busy day. For example, as mothers, we get up, prepare our children for school, often go to work, welcome the children in the late afternoon, help them with their homework, cook, clean, spend time with our family, and then fall tired into our beds.
However, busy the day is, whether at work or home or both: we should give ourselves a few minutes to do something meaningful that makes us happy. Maybe, we breathe fresh air, walk a few steps, sit still and reflect, or perhaps pray. Maybe, we do other things alone. Those are the fleeting moments of solitude when we realise that despite our daily duties and chores, hardships and challenges, disappointments and pain, distractions and entertainment, happiness comes from within. It is those moments when we learn to embrace our soul and start loving ourselves.
LE BONHEUR
Ash Phoenix, 2020
Translated into French by Michel Coquet, IPC
Seulement si tu as réussi l’ascension des sept montagnes,
Seulement si tu as pu traverser les sept vallées de tristesse,
Seulement si tu as géré les sept carrefours de désespoir
Et finalement, nagé dans les sept lacs de douleur,
Seulement alors, en ce jour spécial,
Le bandeau, qui couvrait tes yeux, tombera.
Ton cœur s’ouvrira pour ne recevoir que de la joie.
Et en regardant ton passé,
Tu découvriras que le bonheur y était déjà.
